Years ago, I read Cheryl Strayed’s memoir “Wild.” Her journey along the Pacific Crest Trail epitomized perseverance, self-discovery, and bravery I had not yet discovered. At that time, I was still finding my path.
A few years later, I found myself wanting to escape into the wilderness. To get lost…and maybe found? I struggled with my identity and feelings of a lack of belonging. Who the hell was I, and how had I landed on this dumpster fire life path?
A friend’s advice? Reinvent yourself. Plant your roots.
Cheryl Strayed’s story echoed in my mind—she, too, had chosen her surname to align with her journey (and then hiked around 1000 miles alone). While I wasn’t ready for the hiking venture, I was inspired.
Rebranding myself was not something I had ever considered. I had always thought I needed to find my place within the circle of others, right down to asking more than one nurturing elder to adopt me. Enough was enough.
I embarked on a months-long journey of self-discovery. While naming objects came naturally—my sewing machine was Janice, my car was Sylvie, and my home was Victoria—selecting a name for myself felt daunting. This choice felt more profound than changing one’s surname for a partner.
After much reflection, I stumbled upon the name Wilder. However, I ultimately settled on Wilde. The whole journey was empowering yet terrifying. Since September 2018, Heather N. Wilde has been my identity, resonating deeply with my soul. I branded myself and was willing to stand alone with that choice, at least until I was ready to allow healthy love and companionship back in. As far as my name, I will forever proudly be Wilde.
Have you read Cheryl Strayed’s Wild?
“Wild” showcases Strayed’s remarkable resilience in the face of personal tragedies and challenges. I witnessed her life lessons to persevere through difficult times, which waited like a beacon for my need for “better.”
Strayed’s solo trek along the PCT taught me the importance of self-reflection and self-discovery, allowing space to heal and grow.
Her emotional and packed baggage also carried a powerful lesson. Life is a lot easier when we see the value in letting go of past mistakes, guilt, and regrets.
We can move forward with a lighter heart, clearer mind, and much less baggage.
Lastly, Strayed finds healing in the natural world, laced with its beauty and harsh realities. Wisconsin Point Beach, along the shore of Lake Superior, was my PCT adventure.
The sounds, smells, and sights of that beach called me multiple times per week as a place where I could reset, find serenity, and a sense of connection to something bigger than myself and my problems.
If you can read (or reread) Cheryl Strayed’s Wild, it is a wonderful read when searching for inspiration and validation. My favorite Strayed book is actually Tiny Beautiful Things, but I can save that for another post.
A New Identity – April 2018
WILDE
Wilde, Wilder (def): Germanic Origin. to lose one’s way, untamed, indicative of strong passion, desire, or emotion, deviating from the intended or expected course
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Laura Ingalls Wilder – the beloved books & TV show
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Oscar Wilde – “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
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Gene Wilder – Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Floodwood. Kiddos, that changed my path forever.
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Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Coast by Cheryl Strayed – she had a symbolic name change and published a gritty, powerful memoir.
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Into the Wild, The Wild Truth: Chris and Carine McCandless’ quest for self and truth
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Heather Wilde – online search. She is called the “unicorn whisperer.” That is good enough for me.
The mirror reflects my image – the face I have recognized as my own for 43 years. Life has offered more creases, grays, and insight. My eyes are wide open…but I still feel something missing. Don’t most people find comfort and safety in their name? I can’t be the current Heather Kelly – that name doesn’t hold truth, even if it belongs to my little one. My surname, Goette, is tied to generations of psychological wounds, including some that have left permanent scars on my heart. There is still a 3rd last name in my past, belonging to another story, and my two eldest daughters. These names do not identify the woman staring back in the mirror.
my new name is like a gift, a rebirth. It magnifies the inner strength and independence my hero’s journey has developed in me. With this identity, I am committing to the search for inner peace and joy, to stand proud in my skin, and to share my compassion with all. I offer a new path for my daughters, demonstrating the need always to be true to yourself. I own my past. I appreciate each tear I have shed and each decision I have made. I am passionate. I am free from constraints. I am Heather Nicole Wilde.
“Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the
bravest thing we’ll ever do.” Brene Brown
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I am an author, indie-publisher, blogger, artist, and trauma survivor. Visit HezzieMae.com for a sea change paradigm shift in author mentoring, publishing & living.
