Can you think of another holiday with quite the emotional pull as Valentine’s Day?
Valentine’s Day seems to be all about romantic love, grand gestures, extravagant gifts, and a laser focus on the status of your love life.
But amidst the sea of red roses and heart-shaped chocolates, I would struggle every Valentine’s Day, regardless of my relationship status.
I wasn’t good at looking inward and often searched longingly for others to validate my existence and worthiness.
Receiving those custom-line tear-jerking cards on February 14th (or flowers or dinner out) must mean I am lovable, right?
But what about when I didn’t receive those gestures? There were years when the people I was partnered with didn’t subscribe to the pomp and circumstance of Valentine’s Day.
There is no heart-shaped cookie cutter to feel loved.
Of course, I took that personally.
Then there are the Valentine’s Day memories of when I didn’t have a partner. What did the day mean then?
On V Day in 1997, the holiday entailed sitting home alone, doing a puzzle, and drinking lime vodka to make time evaporate. Not super romantic. Or classy.
Now, as I round the end of my 40s, I have a new take on Valentine’s Day. It couldn’t ever mean more than I was willing to love myself.
I wanted all those Hallmark gestures—to believe I was safe in the arms of fairy tale love. But I couldn’t point that finger inward, and it was downright detrimental to my well-being, not just on Valentine’s Day.
In May 2021, after a tumultuous beginning of the year, I pledged never to feel “less than I wanted” in happiness, contentment, inner peace, and control of my emotions.
That, my friends, was a tremendous act of self-love. I declared I was worthy, took back any power, and continued into a different life.
Please understand I came to this conclusion right after I realized that my mind, body, and soul could not take one more round of dumpster-fire bullshit that I had been delivering for decades.
I was so tired and worn down…that some inner warrior showed up, took charge, and said, “Enough is enough.”
While the Hallmark version of Valentine’s Day may emphasize external displays of affection, the natural beauty of this season and life itself lies in the depth of self-love.
5 Things I Did to Practice Self-Love
Cultivate Self-Compassion
It’s easy to be hard on ourselves, especially when we fall short of our expectations. Or your mom’s expectations. Or society’s.
Practicing self-compassion involves treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer our dearest friend.
Acknowledge your flaws and mistakes without judgment, and remind yourself that you are worthy of love and forgiveness.
Prioritize Self-Care
Self-love begins with caring for your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. When I had been epically failing at this for years, my inner warrior showed up and took charge.
I prioritized activities that nourished my soul, whether indulging in a relaxing shower, walking along Wisconsin Point, brewing an extra cup of coffee, painting, or simply enjoying a good book.
Remember that self-care is not selfish; it’s essential for maintaining balance and resilience in life.
Practice Mindfulness
In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life. I started to pay attention to the feelings and words I was experiencing and speaking.
Some of it was not very positive and definitely not from the lens of self-love. Mindfulness allows us to cultivate a deeper awareness of the present moment, helping us to tune into our thoughts, feelings, and sensations with greater clarity and acceptance.
Take a few moments each day to pause, breathe, and reconnect with yourself.
Set Boundaries
Learning to set healthy boundaries is essential to self-love.
Over the past decade, I’ve made it a practice, and I can attest that setting boundaries is rarely easy. The individuals we need to establish these boundaries often hold active life roles.
Whether we decline activities that deplete our energy, assert ourselves in challenging discussions, or create distance from toxic individuals, setting boundaries is an act of self-respect that affirms our worth and well-being.
Write it Down. Shout it Out. Remember all your blessings!
Practice Gratitude
Cultivating an attitude of gratitude can profoundly shift one’s perspective from focusing on what’s lacking in one’s life to recognizing the abundance surrounding one.
Whenever I find myself in a less-than-perfect mood (a moment of mindfulness, if you will), I consciously try to pivot sharply and start acknowledging all I am grateful for.
It’s challenging to dwell on the negative when actively acknowledging your life’s positive aspects.
I encourage you to take time each day to reflect on the things you’re grateful for, whether it’s the unwavering support of loved ones, moments of pure joy and laughter, or the simple pleasures of everyday life.
By appreciating the blessings in your life, you foster a deep sense of contentment and fulfillment that nourishes the soul.
That’s me. Heather Wilde.
As we celebrate Valentine’s Day this year, let’s remember that love is not limited to romantic relationships or external expressions of affection.
True love begins within ourselves, in the quiet moments of self-reflection, self-care, and self-acceptance.
While society often doesn’t loudly advertise this journey, I can attest that it’s immensely rewarding.
After all, knowing that I will find and feel love every Valentine’s Day I have left on this planet is a profound beauty.
And I don’t even need you, Hallmark.
Thanks for spreading the word! Remember: Ripples to Waves to MAGIC!
I am an author, indie-publisher, blogger, artist, and trauma survivor. Visit HezzieMae.com for a sea change paradigm shift in author mentoring, publishing & living.
